Here comes a big one!

I do have quite the surprise for you...

My little bundle of joy weighs in at about 6 lbs and came with a head full of hair.








Let me introduce you to my little man, H. He joined J and me on August 25 at 7:43 in the morning after a speedy 5 hour labor.

Parenthood has been a trip so far- both life affirming and physically taxing. I hope to share with you the joys and woes of my experiences as a new parent.

Still searching...

We are two weeks into the New Year and it's no surprise that I am writing you while amidst another cleanse. Shocked? You shouldn't be. Oh, and I am also writing you from Seattle Bouldering Project.

I must confess, the end of the year revealed many challenges to me (relocating a loved pet, general body frustrations)... This is the first time I am really struggling with commitment. Committing to fitness. Committing to a healthy and conscious diet. Committing to myself.

I have just completed my first day on a 3-Day Detox suggested by the documentary and website Hungry For Change. So far I feel more energetic than I have on other detoxes. This one is filled with nutrient dense raw fruits and veggies. And you get to eat these fruits and veggies... Not just drink them!

Twice today I felt a faint/dull headache. Slightly lethargic. All-in-all, this cleanse is doable. The prep is not as extensive as other programs that I have seen. The most tedious food to prep is pressing finely grated ginger. The food- a tasty Japanese inspired salad and bountiful veggie soup, is tasty.

I am hoping this short (doable) cleanse will help reset my body and get my cravings back under control. After all, this journey is rooted in a quest and rediscovery of control over my life and my body. I hope, this time, I will be successful.

New Year, Clean Slate

Every New Year's day, like clockwork,  I would meticulously craft a long list of "do-overs" and resolutions. Essentially, empty promises I would make to myself in hopes to change my ways. And I usually did for a while until, as most resolutions tend to do, my fervor and excitement faded away. In its place came anguish and suffering. It all sounds melodramatic. Well, that was how I truly felt in the moment... dreaming of that burger or deliciously cheesy dish that left me too guilty to log into My Fitness Pal. Eventually I would cave and fall into a spiral of several copious delicious fatty indulgences. I have friends that have joked about how my love of cheese trumps my love of men... Sorry, J.

My point in all of this is to resist the allure of the New Year. Though it does provide a clean slate of sorts, it does not wipe away the past. And this year, I vow to never forget that. Like everyone else, I still have my baggage. All glorious 165.6 pounds of it. Despite my conviction to make change, I must focus on taking it one step at a time, one day at a time. Patience will be my friend here. Patience, is the road to success. In honor of NOT making a long, overwhelming and unrealistic resolution list (ie: dropping 20 pounds by such and such month) I am focusing on small, life habits.

Here is my list:

1) I will remind myself that I AM beautiful no matter my weight by attempting to wake up early enough to put on makeup

2) I will create a routine and time-saving, ultimately healthy, habits. Such as going to bed at a consistent time, packing my lunch the night before or planning ahead for work/workouts.

3) I will move more. I am making 2013 the year that I find the physical activity that brings me pleasure, that brings me inner calm, that makes me feel empowered.


So, here is to making 2013 the year of small, progressive changes! Let us remember only the good things and be in love and happiness with those we care about. Happy New Year and may 2013 be filled with peace and good health.

7 Days & Still Cleansing... kind of

The day after my last post I began my cleanse in an attempt to reboot my body, and hopefully my life. I have been desperate for change. I came to the conclusion that change and the desire for control must first begin with my body. I know I need to make changes; I have had way too many medical problems and surgeries in the last 2 years for someone my age. I want to reclaim my health, stabilize my weight (an ongoing issue since puberty) and most importantly feel in control of my life again, something I have struggled with since graduation.

I decided to give Tracy Anderson's Metamorphosis a try. It's a 3 month program, complete with meal plan. The program is made up of 30 minutes of dance-inspired cardio and 30 minutes of "sculpting" exercises that is based upon your selected body type, 6 days a week. Your body type choices are:

Abcentric: you gain the majority of your weight in your abdomen
Hipcentric: you gain the majority of your weight in your hips and thighs
Glutcentric: you gain the majority of weight in your bum or you would like to work on lifting/toning that area
Omnicentric: you gain weight evenly and everywhere

Though I could have easily gone with Omnicentric (I have put on "love" weight and then some over the last two years, and have A LOT to lose), I went with Abcentric since that seems to be where I gain the most weight. My thighs of death may argue that point. They have a tendency to eat my pants.

Anyway, I ordered the program through a deal I saw at Open Sky. I read so many reviews and blogs on the program and felt excitement for what was supposed to be this new revolution I would usher into my life! You can read a review here on Bliss Tree. When I began the program last week I was committed. I spent hours in the kitchen the day before, prepping all of my food I was permitted during the first week. The first week of Tracy's meal plan consists of steamed vegetable or fruit purées, and soup. This is known as Nutrient Boost Week, meant to detox your body while loading up on nutrients. The second week is known as Body Reset Week, meant to recalibrate my body and rid myself of my food cravings for processed foods/sweets (yes, please!!!). The meal planned seemed hardcore enough that I knew it was going to force my body into some kind of change.

My first 2 days, maybe even 3, were hell. Let me type that again... HELL. Eating steamed carrots and parsnips in the consistency of baby food was torturous while having to chase after 2.5-5 year olds for those first 48 hours. Not satisfying in the least. I am no novice to detoxing. I have done my fair share of them. In the past, I have typically felt the pains of a detox after day two. This time the pain was immediate. Post 6:00 am work out, after my "Power Juice," I was feeling the pain as early as 8:30 in the morning. Uh oh. And I was OBSESSED with every unhealthy food craving you can imagine. Oh, and the kiddie lunches parents pack, you know, the sandwiches with cream cheese and jelly? Those were looking pretty tasty as well. And the chicken nuggets. And the leftover pizza and pasta. I felt insane and out of control, exactly what I didn't want for myself.

After the first 48 hours my cravings calmed down. I felt like I had a little more control over my mind and what I desired to eat. I was feeling pretty good, maybe a little tired. Perhaps a combination of little food and small children? I felt lighter. Cleaner, even. But then my weak will set in. As the weekend approached I craved solid food. I wasn't necessarily craving junk... sushi isn't junk, right? I found myself deviating from Tracy's plan. First it was some warm and delicious pho, perfect for the now rainy Seattle weather. Then, it was sushi, not terrible by any means. But with the arrival of Saturday and Sunday, and the desire for some Redbox movie-action, I spiraled into pizza, dim sum, ice cream and some Oreos. Definitely not healthy. And definitely not on my meal plan.

Also simultaneously, I managed to take two days off in the middle of the week that were not planned. Oops...

What started out as this grand quest for a revolution has slowly become a reminder of why I am doing this in the first place. And I will be kicking and screaming the entire way. I suppose the thing to remember is to take it one day at a time. One meal at a time. To remember, that no one is perfect and the important thing is how we get back up on that horse when we fall off. I am now back on my cleanse, extending it an extra day or two to flush out all of that pizza. Wish me luck. Hopefully, after work I will do my sculpting workout and then hot yoga to refocus! xoxo

Vanishing Act *Phew*

I hope I have it all out of my system. This disappearing act. It has been two months since my last update. As you can imagine a lot has happened...

The apartment is, for the most part, completely unpacked. Fall finally arrived in Seattle, which led to pumpkin frenzy: pumpkin patch excursions, pumpkin-spiced americanos and of course, Trader Joe's ever famous Pumpkin Bread Mix. There has also been a lot of Fall themed crafting, both at preschool and at home. Personally, I am loving the coffee-filter leaves as window decor. So fun and easy!

 

 

I wish I could say that I have been off on some grand adventure for the last two months, but in reality I have been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of working. There have been two weddings, a bachelorette party, a handful of birthdays, too many good-byes, a few welcome-backs and a surgery. A lot has happened. So much has changed and yet, everything is the same.

I have been mulling over how I can change my life. What can I do to improve on where I am now? How can I work with what I have? It was time to get crafty. I came to the conclusion that it starts with me and my relationship I have with myself. I am hoping I can make some positive, long-term changes. One day at a time.


Cheers! Wish me luck.

J & Me at a wedding in August

The compromise

I am writing (a month later) from the place that J and I now live in together. The quiet around here is not permanent, I promise. After fighting many obstacles: fleas, eye infections (me), trips to the dump, coordinating the borrowing of vehicles with moving pieces of furniture... more FLEAS (which we are still fighting by the way)... and telling my mom and almost 93 year old grandmother that I was moving in with my boyfriend... we are just about all moved in. We survived it all. And now that we are finally here, J and I still have a long way to go.

 

I have never spent this much time with a boy. Ever. In the almost two years we have spent together, we rarely go longer than 4 days without seeing one another. That is a lot, especially for me. I think of myself as an independent woman. I pride myself on being able to muscle open my own jars, to sleep alone at night and to generally do things myself. I value my alone time. I also value eating ice cream out of the carton while watching deliciously awful rom-coms. You can't do that in the presence of a man (without some form of ridicule). Trust me, I have tried. And now I am here taking this giant leap of faith and cohabitating with J. This is a place I have never been before... Never thought I would be. Not only am I getting a deeper understanding of J, I am also getting to know another side of myself as well.

I am not always the best roommate. Ask anyone who has lived with me. I get moody. And the depth at which I spiral into these moods is claustrophobic and troubling to those around me. I am also difficult to read. So this, combined with living with another moody person, with his own hangups and his own pet peeves, has been an eye opening experience and a challenge.

Which brings me to the heart of the matter: the Compromise. That, which is inevitable to survive cohabitation, is also necessary to the success of the relationship. Many women I know have been taught that to do so would mean to lose. To lose on feminism. To lose the ongoing tug-o-war between men and women. To lose the ability to be strong and independent. But most importantly, I was taught that compromise would ultimately lead to missing pieces of oneself, that, come the break up, was often impossible to get back. Well, here I am, a strong-willed, single woman in my early twenties, who was used to doing what I wanted when I wanted, now living with my boyfriend.

How do you find the balance between making yourself happy and making the one you love happy? Here goes nothin'!

J hates cats. When I say hates cats, he HATES them. With a fiery, all consuming hatred, does he detest their existence. I have two of them. These two cats are not your calm, out of the way kitties. They are demanding, loud and temperamental. They also like getting up on counters and eating his plants. More specifically, his lucky bamboo that he got right after moving here. When this happens, cue the ominous "dun, dun, DUNNNNN" sound and watch J's beard burst into flames while his eyes become laser beams of destruction. Sometimes he even chases after them like Godzilla chasing after small/stealthy cars. The silence that follows these episodes is oppressive and deafening. Some of you may ask, "Didn't you talk about this before you moved in together?" And the answer is yes, yes we did. But see, when you talk about something before you actually do it, every conversation is simply speculation. Because the truth is, we can never guarentee how we will think, feel or react until we arrive in the moment. So... What does a gal like me do in this predicament?

Heart & Brain: "I Love You" Pancakes

After many tears and discussions about sanity, identity and love in all of its forms, I agreed to open myself up to finding a new home for one of my cats. I have asked around on Facebook and posted an ad on Craigslist. So far, no takers. In the mean time, J and I are taking it one day at a time. Till then, there are always "I Love You" pancakes and breakfasts in bed.

Somewhere inbetween

I am on a quest for inspiration. Being summer and perfect weather in Seattle (FINALLY!), I have been absorbing as much vitamin D as possible. I decided to drag J out to the Arboretum to soak up the sunshine and catch up on a bit of reading. I hear we Seattleites are severely lacking in this vitamin. I am hoping this will open my eyes to something new.

As much as I have enjoyed writing this blog, I have found myself at a loss of where to go next. Like my current state, I feel that my little venture lacks direction. I want more of a purpose than to "unburden" myself and use random writings as a creative outlet.

Saturday I participated in my first blog brunch in hopes of learning more about blogging and to find a little bit of inspiration through others' experiences. I felt such a sense of community watching my twitter feed explode with more and more insight. Here I was Saturday morning ready for the brunch to begin, equipped with my iced americano and my moleskin to take notes. Since blog brunch, I have been focusing on how to make my content meaningful to me, as well as to a potential viewer.


Topics to discuss (maybe):

-Fashion: I am obsessed, but like the average American, am a bit too self-conscious to photograph myself or ask someone to do it for me

-Cooking experiments: Over the couple of years I have struggled with weight gain, falling out of vegetarianism (& wanting to jump back aboard), becoming budget conscious (food is expensive, you know) and ultimately becoming more and more domestic... alas, my range/oven are so non-functional that it constantly sets off the fire alarm. No joke, after 5 minutes of being on, my oven will set off the fire alarm regardless if there is food in it or not. I am hoping I can finally experiment once we are all moved into the new place.

Did I mention we got the apartment?! I am so ridiculously excited to move out of the basement and into the sunlight once more. But most importantly, I am excited (& scared to no end since I have commitment-phobic tendencies) to build a home and a future with J.

I digress...

-Preschool: unlike any other job I have had, teaching preschool has given me some pretty amusing
(& relatable) stories to work with. You either love children, and sympathize with the joys and struggles of working with children, or you would rather have your teeth drilled than spend 40 hours a week nurturing young minds. Regardless of your position, most people find the mishaps relatable or hilarious. The only catch is that it is difficult, if not borderline inappropriate, to be taking pictures. And bloggers do love their pictures. Le sigh.

Aside from my existential woes of being in my early 20's and wanting to find my focus, I have enjoyed this gorgeous summer in Seattle thus far. I am celebrating the 70+ degree weather with copious amounts of ice cream/froyo... (is 3 out of 4 days too much?)

 And destroying delicious Korean food...

And of course, packing, packing, packing. Though J and I have 9 days till we can begin moving, I want to be READY. Last night I stayed up to pack up all my dvds and books. I now have around 6 boxes blocking my front door. Can you tell I am excited?




xoxo, Chris